Top 10 Places for Julian Assange to hide.

·     Pyongyang, Democratic People’s Republic of Korea – Who would love to disrupt the US’s pursuit of Julian Assange more than Kim Jong-Un? Yet to step out of his father’s shadow and into the limelight, Assange could prove to be the perfect tool to rile the USA. Maybe then the Americans would be able to justify their exorbitant military spending. It’s not like they won the Vietnam War or anything.

·    The magnetic north pole- owing to the rather unique physics involving the earth’s magnetic field, the magnetic north pole keeps moving. Such a situation would be perfect for Julian Assange. By the time his pursuers whip out their compasses to try and see where they’re going, he’d be long gone. All he’d need for survival would be some ice lollies and a bunch of huskies (I forgot, he’s Australian, so maybe a copy of Waltzing Matilda as well).

·     Line of control – The border between India and Pakistan is another ideal location for Mr. Assange to hide. As a result of the most extraordinary diplomatic ties that exist between the two nations, it would take a few years to decide what is to be done. This, of course, assuming Pakistan’s government lasts that long without anyone being assassinated.

·    Western wall – Like humpty dumpty, Mr. Assange could seat himself atop a high wall. Considering the vast history and religious significance of the wall, it is highly unlikely to see its demolition simply to get to an Australian horse whisperer.

·      Sinai Peninsula – this eastern region of Egypt is currently under threat from militants. Seeing as armed psychopaths pose a major issue, it is unlikely that the Egyptian military will be too concerned about a computer hacker running around on the peninsula. Furthermore, it’s perfectly safe, isn’t it? Just a few tanks and a handful of rockets to worry about.

·     The Greek government’s bank vault – it’s not like there’s anything useful in there right now.

·      Damascus – as a direct consequence of the uprising in Syria, the battle for Aleppo (Syria’s largest city) has intensified to such an extent that most people have forgotten about Syria’s capital and the world’s oldest city, Damascus. Mr. Assange could even avail a history lesson were he to spend a few days here.

·      Atlantis – the legendary lost city would be the ideal place to spend a few years, considering that it has never been found, not even by the western world’soverrated sophisticated maritime equipment. Seems perfect in every way, really. All Mr. Assange would need is some assistance from Zeus.

·      Switzerland – Since the beginning of time (perhaps) Switzerland has abstained from participating in all conflicts locally and globally. It is said that the Swiss Army’s greatest achievement was the frankly excellent advertisement for Ricola mouth fresheners*. If Mr. Assange were to station himself in Switzerland, the USA, Sweden and the UK would all have to spend a few decades negotiating his release with the Swiss government. Naturally, one would assume he’d have gotten away by this point.

·      Ecuadorian embassy – no detail required. He’s already there.

-Chap.

*Pending official confirmation