The earth is full of islands, we are told. Islands are to
the earth what pimples are to a teenager’s face. These isolated masses of land –
in particular, specimens in the East China Sea – have been the centre of a
recent and ongoing territorial dispute.
Now, personally, I find this debate rather enjoyable to
observe. China and Japan having a disagreement is like watching the big bully
of the class up against the kid with the rich parents. Naturally, of course,
the United States has been quick to jump on the bandwagon and declare
themselves completely neutral in this dispute. This makes me want to ask why
they couldn’t just have shut up in the first place. It’s not like Switzerland
paraded around Europe in 1939 announcing that it would not take any sides in
WWII. Furthermore, you don’t see the Pope expressing the Vatican’s stance on
the Vietnam War through a loudspeaker.
I suspect that the
reason why the United States has assumed the seat on the fence is simple – the average
American couldn’t possibly tell the difference between a Chinese and a Japanese
person. They’d therefore just end up riling both countries. This would result
in the outbreak of war. As a result, Mitt Romney would berate the Obama
Administration for its handling of the affair, before upholding his reputation
by requesting North and South Korea to sort out the island dispute diplomatically.
Later, at a private conference, he would explain his gaffe as follows: “Well,
it’s not my fault they all look the same, is it?” This conference would take
place in a large chamber with one conveniently concealed camera.
To avoid having Mitt Romney elected the above chain
of events, the USA has declined the (fictional) invitation to join the dispute.
I strongly suspect that the island dispute will turn out to be a protracted
saga of diplomatic meetings, protests and angry mobs. What I don’t understand,
however, is the vitriol that mainland Chinese have been hurling at Japanese corporations.
I mean, since when has Panasonic ever had anything to do with foreign
relations? Sure, their video cameras are only average, but that’s definitely no
excuse. Do you see Sony air raiding Tiananmen Square with cartons of TVs? No.
Do you see Honda building super-robots to attack Shanghai? No. Do you observe
Fuji Xerox dropping flaming photocopiers into Hong Kong Harbour? Didn’t think
so. Do you see Yamaha offloading grand pianos into the Yangtze? Definitely not
on weekends. Then why protest?
Another major issue in China is violent attacks on Japanese nationals.
Yet again, this utterly bamboozles me. Japanese people have smaller homes,
smaller offices, they pay more for petrol, for diesel, as income tax and so on
and so forth. Plus it isn’t as if they swam to the island and planted flags all
over them. For the sake of peace, I hope that the attacks stop and that both
the Japanese and Chinese public leave the decision making to their respective
governments. The best way to do this would be to observe the current situation in
Syria and do pretty much the exact opposite.
In conclusion, then, this ongoing dispute needs to end fast.
Jokes apart, a dispute between Asia’s two largest economies can only end badly.
For the benefit of the population of both nations, I hope that the matter can
be resolved peacefully and diplomatically. Meanwhile, Mr. Romney can continue
to soldier on in his campaign to become president of the USA. Go only knows
what would happen to him if the rest of the world was as trigger happy with
their opinions.
-Chap
