India isn't the only rotten apple

One India-related term which I have never liked much is NRI. The three letters stink of arrogant, upper-class attitudes and this really sickens me. Living in Singapore makes me a member of this "exclusive" club and means that I get to interact with many other NRI children who think Hyderabad is a district in Bangalore and Visakhapatnam is in North India. The tricolour flies high during the farcical Diwali celebrations and disappears otherwise. The NRI youth thinks of Indian politics as being a shoddy affair, and then proceeds to praise American politics for being much more effective and people-oriented. On a side note, three weeks ago, the approval rating of the US Congress fell to 9%.

Most of the content of the above paragraph is in no way relevant to what this article is actually about. To get started on that, I will paraphrase someone I know who said "I don't want to go to Indian university because you can just buy your way in." Even many parents support the above line of thought. This though, is not an entirely unimaginable conversation in a typical upper-class NRI household.

Mummy-Papa: Beta Rahul, we don't want you to study in India, because we are apprehensive about sending you to a school where people buy places.

Rahul: But mummy-papa, I failed my exam. Where can I go?

Mummy-Papa: Don't worry Rahul beta, we have made a donation of $100,000 to a college in America. We even bought you their official hoodie, a plushie of their mascot, and a coffee mug with their crest and motto on it!

One thing that puzzles me and irritates me in equal measure is the ridiculous attitude that many Indians - NRI or otherwise - have towards India. Sensing a whiff of political discussion? Enter the stale, recycled monologue on how a desk clerk once asked for a ₹100 bribe to transfer a file quickly. Raise the topic of how the second and third highest-ranked officers in the US Navy are being investigated for bribery that allegedly allowed an Asian defence company to secure contracts worth $200 million, and prepare to be greeted by a stale silence. Oh, bribery happens outside India too? Let's just sit around and take shots at a country where, let's be honest, stark inequalities exist across city streets. I am not denying that corruption and bribery are a problem in India, but I have a serious bone to pick with people who say "India is corrupt so I have given up on it". To me, the implied extension of that sentence is "I am in a sufficiently good position in life to not need anything from India so I don't really care what happens."

Today, patriotism is celebrating Virat Kohli square-cut a Pakistani fast bowler to the fence at deep point, or going to a Diwali function sporting expensive ethnic clothes and an artificial American accent. Patriotism is also going through a phase of national self-reflection twice a year, and appearing blissfully oblivious for the remaining 363 days. Patriotism is ignorance that recognises one rape incident every eight months*. Patriotism is, oddly enough, pointing out faults that exist in many countries but only seem to be a problem in India. Patriotism is, in short, as predictable as an enraged bull elephant. 

The point here is this. People who complain that Indian university places can be bought are possibly correct, but they are also hypocrites. The debate about whether legacy students buy their way into the Ivy League is just as well supported by evidence as the above argument. In the UK, the debate about whether expensive private schools are unfairly favoured during university applications rages on. Therefore, complaining about India alone is really quite ridiculous, especially if it is followed by an application to a private university in the US supported by a five-figure "donation". Education, much though we hate to admit it, has become a business; given increased demand, one could argue it is among the most lucrative industries. It is not just Indian institutions that are cashing in on this. Certainly our lopsided sense of patriotism should tell us that other countries are much better at sniffing out money than we are.

- Chap

* In August, when a photojournalist was raped in Mumbai, a popular page that occupies itself with posting memes about Bangalore posted something along the lines of "from #Delhigangrape to #Mumbaigangrape. Hope to never have to put another city's name in this."

Children in Africa need the internet

The English – rather arrogantly – like to claim that they invented everything useful that exists today, including the internet. One is reminded of a scene from the opening ceremony of the 2012 Olympics where Tim Berners-Lee sat at an old computer, inventing the internet. Though the internet was invented by Mr. Lee and a few other people at CERN, let’s just assume Mr. Lee was the mastermind. Okay so. What am I trying to say? Well, it seems that someone has decided that it is time that the internet is reinvented – a group of highly skilled professionals in California, who call themselves Google.

So what is Google’s plan to reinvent the internet? Well, Google has trialled wireless broadband networks in Cape Town, using three masts as broadcast centres to create a network. Their plan is to launch this technology in developing countries, using masts, blimps and satellites. One pictures a little boy in Burundi spotting a big balloon floating in the sky, running home, and looking at a picture of the blimp on a computer. Google are aiming to do just this – they want to bring the internet to the most remote rural areas – they want to spread the digital revolution to all corners of the world.

Unfortunately for Google, an old man who lives in their backyard feels that this is a bad idea. He says that there are more pressing concerns in the regions of the world where Google is looking to implement this technology. This old man, Mr. Bill Gates, said of the plan to implement this technology in sub-Saharan Africa;

“When a kid gets diarrhea, no, there’s no website that relieves that.”

There are some people that have suggested that Mr. Gates’ comments are motivated mostly out of jealousy because he didn’t think of the idea himself. These people are probably the same people who believe that what under-nourished children really want is a blue iPod for their next birthday. Even if we ignore the misinformed stereotype that Americans are stupid, I’m sure Google understands that malaria, cholera, illiteracy and discrimination require more investment that flying internet balloons. Furthermore, I am amazed that Google didn’t consider the following flowchart.

Internet <-- Computer <-- Keyboard <-- English/Other language <-- School

Basically what this flowchart conveys is that to use the internet, one has to go to/have gone to school. Considering that this is a qualification absent from the CVs of most people who live in these regions, Google really should have thought about buying some paint before painting the wall.

Bill Gates, of course, is an individual who has worked tirelessly towards the improvement of living standards in the chronically impoverished regions of the world. An outstanding example of philanthropy, there is no doubt that he is more likely to know what it’s like in these regions that the boffins at Google who usually spend their day designing doodles that commemorate the birth of a 19th century physicist. I can’t help but wonder why Google is doing this. It is understandable that they may try to be to computing what Henry Ford was to cars, but unfortunately the majority of their target audience probably doesn’t care.  

In conclusion, more people using Google equals more money for Google equals cake and wine. Unfortunately, however, if you are one of the people that walks four kilometres every day to obtain a pot of drinking water, a floating balloon isn’t going to help you at all. You might as well just gaze at it for hours, wondering if it will drop something for your family – a container of potable water, for example. If you’re Google and this idea isn’t taking off, I have an alternative. I own a phone which has LTE connectivity, a dual-core processor, a super AMOLED screen and a Carl Zeiss camera lens. I have seen advertisements for phones that are supposed to work underwater and phones that are supposed to be everything resistant. Mobile phones have even been used on Mount Everest. If, however, you have a clue as to how to make any of these contraptions work in the ultimate proving ground – an elevator – do what is necessary – invent something, build something, or put a blimp in the elevator shaft. Just make it work.


- Chap.